Am I the Red Flag?
A clinical assessment of harm potential and relationship patterns
An empirical assessment measuring coercive control, contempt, boundaries, volatility, and repair.
Private & Encrypted
Your answers never leave your device. No data is stored on our servers or shared with third parties.
Clinically Grounded
Synthesized from Goleman's EQ model and Erikson's psychosocial stages - two of psychology's most validated frameworks.
Dimensional Breakdown
Get a multi-dimensional score with actionable insights for each emotional maturity domain - not just a number.
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Preview the assessment questions▼
1. looked through their phone, messages, or social media without them knowing
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
2. expected them to run plans with other people past you first
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
3. commented on what they wear, who they follow, or how they present themselves in public
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
4. raised ending the relationship during an argument
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
5. used a tone or expression that made clear you thought they were being stupid
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
6. mocked something they said, believed in, or cared about
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
7. compared them unfavourably to someone else - out loud or clearly enough that they knew
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
8. told them they were overreacting while they were still upset
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
9. kept pushing after they said they did not want to discuss something
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
10. made them feel guilty for wanting time alone or with other people
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
11. made them justify a decision that was genuinely theirs to make
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
12. agreed to something in the moment and then made them pay for it afterwards
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
13. raised your voice, slammed something, or walked out mid-conversation
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
14. needed them to manage your mood before they could raise their own problem
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
15. been unpredictable enough that they had to work out which version of you they were getting
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
16. noticed them being careful or nervous about how you would react to something
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
17. apologised without adding an explanation or a "but"
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
18. changed something concrete after they told you it hurt
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
19. been the first one to reach out after a fight
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
20. asked what they needed instead of deciding what they needed
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
21. apologised for something that turned out not to be your fault
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
22. ended up comforting them after you were the one who raised a problem
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
23. doubted your own memory of an argument afterwards
- Never
- Once or twice
- Several times
- Often
Content Created & Reviewed By
ThePsychLens Editorial TeamThePsychLens is a psychology and behavioral science content platform. Our editorial team consists of psychology researchers, writers, and editors dedicated to producing evidence-based self-help content grounded in peer-reviewed clinical literature. All content is reviewed for accuracy, sensitivity, and alignment with established psychological frameworks before publication. Learn about our editorial process →
Last Reviewed
June 2026
Important Clinical Disclaimer: The content and tools on ThePsychLens are provided for educational and self-help purposes only. They do not constitute professional medical, psychological, or psychiatric advice, therapy, or diagnosis, and do not create a therapeutic relationship.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or severe emotional distress, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988 in the US) or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.